By El Seldo (@)
Mascots are the best. If you are one of those people who absolutely refuse to even smile at a mascots wacky antics, then this post isn’t for you, but then again fun isn’t for you either.
I’ve always been a mascot fan, one of my earliest, foggiest memories is meeting Toronto Blue Jays mascot BJ Birdy at a St. Catharines Blue Jays (former Toronto Blue Jays single A affiliate) game when I was 3 or 4. Sigh. I miss having that team here.
Trips to Disney are never complete for me unless I harass a character with my fanyboy squees of delight, my last trip was highlighted by meeting Stitch and him trying to eat my nieces stuffed giraffe.
Of course, this carries over to the CHL games I’ve been to. Bones, the Niagara IceDogs mascot, is one of the best I’ve seen live. His ability to get under opposing teams skin is so good Stan Butler of the North Bay Battalion threw a hissy fit and refused to ice his team until Bones was removed the arena (he has someone ejected from every game in Niagara).
Seriously, Stan Butler is a giant baby.
Anyway, back on track, I’ve compiled my list of the best CHL mascots you can find. It’s not in any particular order, except the last one, it’s the best. In the next post we’ll see the worst of the worst of the mascot world.
Shooter – Erie Otters
He’s an otter, which in itself is awesome. Everyone loves otters and they managed to make the mascot look like the logo, but not making it look incredibly angry or scary, which is key. Those yees though do give the impression he’ll mess you up if need be. I give Shooter 3/5 squeezes.
Charlie Horse – Barrie Colts
A horse in a kilt. The kilt puts Barrie Charlie over Swift Current Charlie (yes, their mascot is also named Charlie Horse). Barrie Charlie is also taking his job a little more seriously than SC Charlie, so he gets the nod here. Charlie gets 2/5 squeezes, because I’m wary he’ll kick me in the junk if I approach from the wrong angle.
Tirobut – Drummondville Voltigeurs
While a Lion isn’t a soldier as the logo depicts, it’s a better choice than a potato headed humanoid mascot they could have chosen. He gets 4/5 squeezes, and they’re hard ones too because I won’t be able to understand what he’s saying when he complains. His slightly googled eyes and stuck out tongue really help his case here.
Bomber – Windsor Spitfires
I saw him and my mind went right to the story that he’s a 1930s/40s actor who used to star in World War 1 films and is now out of work, and he talks like Phil Hartman in this sketch. One of the very few human mascots that isn’t horrifying, and that’s an accomplishment. My only complaint is that the Spitfires were fighter planes and his name is Bomber…this is a Senator/Centurion situation.
I wouldn’t squeeze him, but I would salute him.
Farley – Calgary Hitmen
Those cheeks are so fuzzy I want to squoosh them. Farley is also the mascot most likely to get his own panel at a Furry convention. Farley is pretty foxy if I may say so.
Flying Wolf – Sudbury
Okay, not a mascot in the strictest sense of what we’re going for, but having the wolf soar over the ice howling after each Sudbury goal is amazing, and I’m happy to say I’ve seen it in person.
Mortimer J. Moose – Moose Jaw Warriors
When in doubt, give someone the middle initial J. Mortimer is a kinda weird name, but when it’s alliterative it works just fine. Morty is the namesake of the city the team plays in, and thankfully they didn’t go full Cleveland with the mascot.
He looks like a fine moose and thankfully they made his antlers small and manageable.
Wooly Bully – Red Deer Rebels
Wolly Bully is a fine looking mascot, a fearsome creature that thankfully was made into a friendly, cartoonish costume. It’s also good he doesn’t mind wearing a picture of hs skull on his chest. Makes him more badass, like a prairie pirate.
Poke Check – Saskatoon Blades
You could go two ways with a sasquatch mascot, thankfully Saskatoon did it the right way. Blue skin, fluffy white fur, and big wonder-filled eyes makes Poke Check (the name needs work) a great mascot.
It’s just too bad he’s been pulled out of his natural habitat, but their original idea for a mascot, ‘Stabby’, an anthropomorphic sword, was rejected.
Marty – Victoria Royals
I know he’s a marmoset, but he looks like a cuter version of Shooter the Otter, and this is more than enough to put him on the list.
Winger – Tri-City Americans
My favourite of all the Eagle mascots US based teams use, Winger is the pompous bravado-filled air force pilot stereotype we all know. He poses with his fans, and assume the team is based around him. He’s Sam the Eagle’s less modest cousin.
Bones – Niagara IceDogs
Come on, you think I’d name anyone less? When it comes to rubbing your butt on the glass beside the opposing team’s bench, dumping popcorn on away fans, or making the children and the Prime Minister squeal with delight, there’s no one better out there than Bones.
There are the best mascots the CHL has to offer. Offended I didn’t mention your team? Tough beans, tell them to step up their game.