Marching into the Madness: Hockey Tweet Bracket

By @yakovmironov

In the finest tradition of stealing someone else’s great idea and turning into your own, I have stolen from the wonderful @TheNinjaGreg and his hockey tweet Mount Rushmore idea.

This is a fun idea that almost immediately had many people asking to see it turned into a March Madness bracket. Since I am desperate for the approval of others, I thought why not me? Why shouldn’t I be the guy who will have his next two weeks consumed with 64 tweets about hockey?

The end result is this…

A bracket with 64 popular tweets recommended by numerous twitter users over the span of Monday. It’s not perfect, there are likely some deserving tweets that aren’t there, but at the same time there are likely at least a few tweets that everyone feels strongly about on here and at least 2/3rds of the field is pretty strong.

I did not pick these tweets. I received enough suggestions either to me or in reply to Greg’s Mount Rushmore tweet that I had over 100 options to choose from. I did choose what to exclude, but pretty much everything that had multiple suggestions is on here.

A few things to note right off the start:

  • Here is your printable/downloadable bracket. The schedule at the top is accurate. If it changes you’ll find updates on my twitter feed or on The Bloggers’ Tribune
  • Voting will be done via Twitter poll and start at approximately 10 AM ET every morning.
  • The will be post on The Bloggers’ Tribune every day with the twitter polls embedded if you don’t feel like looking through my tweets on twitter dot com
  • I am happy to do this, but for the love of gord don’t @ me if you the polls or a post goes up later than you like. I have a day job that I intend on keeping.

Finally, the big one. What are all of these tweets?

Here are the screenshots or embeds of every one of those tweets so you are now a 100% informed voter.

The Computer Boy Region

(1) Avs PDO vs. (16) Oilers Defense


Apologies for the small size of the Avs tweet, but to exclude the tweet because I wasn’t able to find a screen cap would have been criminal. It deserves it’s high seeding because at the time Mike Kelly was “TSN Stats Guy” and celebrating the Avs success inspired the book “Saved By Roy.”

On the other side of things, it’s hard to find a single tweet that defines the #HereComeTheOilers era, but this seems the best representation of it.

(2) “CORSI” Hockey League vs. (15) Bruins Fans on Marchand


No one is more present on this bracket than Steve Simmons, and it’s almost a guarantee that we’ll see at least one of his tweets in the Final Four. This has to be one of his most famous and hottest takes.

With the exception of Steve Simmons, no one had more people saying his tweets belong in this bracket than Whoabot. Including this tweet seemed like a no brainer as it is impossible for Brad Marchand to do anything without it immediately consuming hockey twitter. The only thing that gets more attention than Brad Marchand is any Leafs AHL recall.

(3) Stats = ISIS vs. (14) Roenick Deports Greg


This Jack Todd take being a 3 seed is a good sign that the Computer Boy Region is a strong one. This is one of the most insane things you’ll ever read and it’s number 3.

This is the first of two tweets from Jeremy Roenick calling out someone appearing on this list. What adds to this is the fact that I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to not like Greg, but somehow Roenick has a problem with him. I assume Jeremy showed up at Greg’s house on Thanksgiving to explain why Kovalchuk is a bad hockey player.

(4) Engelland’s AAV vs. (13) Presidential Stat Names


A lot of people feel very strongly about the first tweet and it’s seeding reflect that. It is near perfect in what it covers.

The second tweet is also beautiful for different reasons. I think this is one of the best chances for a first round upset and I will be watching this matchup closely.

(5) True Test of Merit vs. (12) Check in on Hockey Twitter


Since the majority of my followers are Leafs twitter, there maybe a tendency on this bracket towards Leafs twitter tweets, but the True Test of Merit was one of the most mentioned tweets for this list. I think it has the real potential to push far in this tournament purely on the hotness of the take.

That being said, this is a tough first round matchup as this tweet is perhaps one of the most evergreen tweets hockey twitter has ever produced.

(6) Bobby Ryan’s Corsica vs. (11) Just Win Baby


I’ll admit there are certain matchups in this bracket I wanted to see and this is one of them. Can Just Win Baby triumph over Corsica in the Bobby Ryan stats war? This seems like a topical matchup now that Bobby has left twitter.

(7) Simmons Hates Florida vs. (10) Simmons Hates Charron


So Simmons is guaranteed to see a spot in the second round and it’s guaranteed to be a tweet complaining about a former Canucks Army writer.

(8) Yost on Ribs vs. (9) Manny’s Salad


There needed to be at least one food debate for this bracket worthwhile and we’re going to have it out between arguably Yost’s worst food take and the salad the now haunts all of our dreams.

Sliding Into Your DMs Region

(1) Cox Just Wants a Selfie vs. (16) Lupul Looking For Love


Both of these men seem to be looking for the same thing, but the circumstances make the seeding of the tweets radically different. After Cox sent this tweet he locked his account which also helps his seeding.

(2) Female Friend With Benefits vs. (15) Snickers in Anthrax’s Bum


I guess it’s no surprise that anything Cox does Simmons is going to do to. The complete lack of shame that Simmons exhibits in any situation is remarkable.

Roenick, as he did in the previous region, demonstrates his inability to interact thoughtfully with others, but I would bet that there is a Snickers Bar in Anthrax Jones’ ass.

(3) Benn Bunch Mox vs. (14) McGrattan Smells a Fart


After releasing the brackets on twitter, Jamie Benn’s tweet seems to be getting strong consideration as one that could go the distance.

McGrattan’s tweet can be considered the one thing he gave the game of hockey.

(4) Jerk and Lift Me vs. (13) Sorry About Your Dick


They don’t do phrasing in Edmonton.

Yes, I realize I wrote in dick instead of penis in the bracket, but I am too lazy to go back and change it.

(5) Terry Jones Porn Search vs. (12) Commodore Hat Fucking


The Terry Jones tweet has a very loyal following. Mike Commodore is an angrier, less talented Jeremy Roenick.

(6) Those Fuckers at TSN vs. (11) Budaj Can’t Talk to Women


Part of me felt that Kyper’s tweet should have been higher, but another part of me thinks that Budaj’s tweet has a real shot at winning this. I’m expecting a lot from this match up.

(7) McKenzie Said Pussy vs. (10) Ratto Will Blow You


To their respective nations both of these men are national treasures.

(8) LeBrun “Yes Daddy” vs. (9) LeBrun “I’m a Big Boy”


A battle for the ages. Which LeBrun tweet triumphs? I had to know, so this is one of the many “have to see” matchups on the bracket.

#ActuallyGood Region

(1) Piss Nachos vs. (16) Trying to Name Senators


Piss Nachos might have been the most requested tweet for this bracket and that’s a tough draw.

On the other hand, I legitimately laughed out loud at “The other hamburger guy”

(2) Oh Shit, Boston Could Get… vs (15) Boston Could Get… (remix)


This tournament follows the rules of The Highlander. There can only be one.

(3) After Emerson Etem… vs. (14) Jim Benning Right Now



There’s no favoritism here for my own tweet, as I’ve set myself up to get slaughtered.

(4) LA Kings Goaltending vs. (13) “Where is Ronald Reagan?


Not much needs to be explained about the slow car crash that is the LA Kings. It’s a strong contending tweet.

Modano’s “Reagan.” or “Where is Ronald Reagan?” might need more context. I encourage informed voting, so please go and read this Deadspin article, along with the replies to the “Reagan.” tweet before fully committing. It’s case for being in the bracket should at least be clear even if you are going the Kings anyway.

(5) PHIL! vs. (12) Authentic St. Louis Pizza


Classic PHIL! tweet gets very tough competition from tweet that makes me laugh every time I see it.

(6) Kessels Having Fun vs. (11) Bidini’s Dead Soldiers


Basically: Sports are Fun vs. Sports are the opposite of fun

(7) Canadians are Aggressive vs. (10) New Canadian Anthem



I don’t know whether a 10 seed taking down a 7 seed is considered an upset, but this is definitely one to watch closely.

(8) OT Playoff Hockey vs. (9) Scenic Buffalo


 It’s hard to write an entertaining tweet that really captures the excitement of a sport and I have a lot of respect for that.

It’s easy to write an entertaining tweet that dunks on Buffalo and I have a lot of respect for that too.

The Ice District Region

(1) Hall’s Boat Exam vs. (16) Simmons Wants a Diet Coke


This should be easy work for Taylor. This Simmons tweet isn’t even hockey, but the bracket needed a reporter complaining about lack of free stuff tweet and I couldn’t find any Oilers media tweets about Eakins’ veggie trays.

(2) Rearview Mirror vs. (15) Bidini’s PSB PSA


How great is it that we’re still getting mileage out of the rearview mirror tweet over four years later?

Also, this Bidini masterpiece was a tweet that I absolutely had to include in the top 64 as pig shit balls is an important part of the hockey twitter experience.

(3) Kessel’s Evening Plans vs. (14) Fire Carlyle Voices


There’s a strong argument that there should be a lot more Mark Spector on this list, but this Simmons/Spector tandem and adjoining #own will have to do.

Also, as this bracket repeatedly demonstrates, Phil Kessel is great.

(4) Right In My Analysis vs. (13) The Hall Trade Was Actually…


The most iconic Roenick tweet goes up against the representative of all of the quality Hall for Larsson tweets. Attempts to justify the trade by including Lucic as part of it have aged very well.

(5) Eberle vs. Hall at Hangman vs. (12) Mike Babcock Wants $$$


Taylor Hall is amazing. He’s a gift. I can’t get enough of his tweets and they probably deserve their own bracket.

Mike Harrington is a piss baby. None of his tweets ever really stand out as too terrible on their own, but you have to consider that they are often connected a full blown meltdown that takes place over two or three days. The tweet above led him to attend Toronto’s press conference for Babcock where he was able to make a fool of himself in person.

(6) Terry Jones Takes a Dump vs. (11) Crosby Passes the Torch


I think I speak for everyone when I say I’d rather read Terry Jones tweets about taking a shit than Terry Jones tweets about hockey.

As for Sam’s tweet. I think it’s still too early to call this one.

(7) “Welcome to Edmonton vs. (10) Lou vs. Pregame Sausage


Taylor Hall’s tweet about never eating a banana didn’t make the bracket. Nor did his tweet about nearly crashing his car because of a hot mannequin. These are probably oversights.

Hall’s shade has tough competition with Luongo’s best work.

(8) Play Hockey, Not School vs. (9) ROR for Masterton


The Hall and Eberle tweets are already concerning, but “Play Hockey, not school” really solidifies the need for an adult education tutor on the Oiler’s staff.

This tweet string probably best illustrates Harrington’s meltdown when he and his colleagues made the idiotic decision to nominate Ryan O’Reilly for the Masterton.

This Is Happening Soon.

I want to make sure that this bracket receives the attention it deserves and as such it will be starting on Monday, March 20th, after I’ve enjoyed a couple of vacation days and the weekend.

The brackets will be decided via twitter polls on my account @yakovmironov, but following is not necessary as results will be updated here at The Bloggers’ Tribune daily, along with a list of new polls.

In the meantime, fill out your bracket and share your picks with me on twitter.

Gambling on these brackets is strongly encouraged as vices are fun and brackets are fun.



Friend of the site, @RickNashtag, brought up a very good point this morning about how this bracket has the potential to do some good. He also volunteered to be a key player in doing that good by running a bracket challenge for us.

For a $5 paypal entry fee, you can submit your bracket via email to @RickNashtag and be entered in our contest.

The top 3 winners of the bracket challenge receive bragging rights and a hockey twitter related t-shirt. For $5 that’s pretty darn good if you ask me.  If it’s a $10 entry you also get to pick to pick the charity that receives the entrance fees.

From @RickNashtag:

Email and PayPal are both Id request that they send a scan of the bracket preferably but not a problem if they cant.. Submission should include PayPal name so i can keep track. All entries emailed by 10 am Monday.

Simple points system…1 point for each correct match up.

As for cash, At least a $5 buy in.

If they contribute $10 or more, you can pick the charity if they win.

I’ll send a “Hockey Twitter” related T shirt to the top 3 finishers.

I am thrilled that @RickNashtag is giving us a chance to do some good with this, and thank him for running the bracket challenge and generously donating his time and prizes to this. We haven’t even started yet, and I already feel that we are going to need to turn this into an annual thing.

Best of luck to all entrants.



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