Why I’m Not Joining The Athletic by Yakov Mironov

Hello, recently you’ve probably seen one of your favourite writers post an article about why they are joining The Athletic. It probably cited how their newspaper has laid off everyone not in ad sales. It probably mentioned how they have a desire to do more long form journalism, and it probably mentioned a desire to be a part of something new and exciting. Those are all good reasons. You’ve probably also noticed they’ve hired everyone but me. I’ve noticed. It’s not fun being the only one not invited to the cool new party, but that’s why I thought I’d clear the air and tell you why I’m not joining The Athletic.

  1. I don’t proofread my work. I have no desire to read my own writing. I assume it’s brilliant, but frequently hear that I’ve forgotten a word somewhere. Shit happens. WordPress has an edit button so it’s an easy fix when someone else catches it. No reason why readers can’t also be editors, if anything it means I consider you more important than the average writer considers their reader. You’re welcome.
  2. I have no desire to research anything. I spend all day looking at spreadsheets and building formulas, and writing reports, I want to resort to hot takery when it comes to Sports. This probably excludes me from ever joining The Athletic, but maybe I’ll have a shot at one of the positions Athletic writers vacate at their previous publications (LOL, like anyone is wanting add more sports writers.)
  3. I probably talk about my dick too much on twitter. Sorry, not sorry.
  4. I’ve probably said something stupid at some point or another to absolutely everyone on their staff and they are rightfully holding a grudge. Again, this can’t really be helped.
  5. I seem to be suffering from a permanent case of writers block and am often incapable of coming up with an idea for something worth reading. I’m pretty sure I’m just going to start stealing ideas from others like a #real journalist.
  6. I don’t really watch a lot of sports. I’ll catch a period or two of hockey a few times a week, but we’re living in the golden age of TV serials and I’d be a fool to not take advantage of that. Plus being in the mountain time zone it’s rare to see the first period of an Eastern Conference game. This can make following the Leafs challenging.
  7. I’d probably have to treat it like a real job and I don’t even like treating my real job that way.
  8. It can’t be emphasized enough how I’m really unqualified for this, but I’m white and have a dick, so it just feels like writing at The Athletic is something I’m entitled to.
  9. I’m going to pivot to video soon.
  10. I have no audience. This post will likely only get 30 views.

Those of us not hired by The Athletic should feel nothing but shame. We have been put in our rightful place and should now search for new hobbies. I say that but I won’t do it. I will continue to be a champion of second tier, free content, and discussion of dicks because it’s what 30 of you demand.

Also, you should read The Athletic, a lot of it is pretty good.

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